My husband and I are concerned for our 5-year-old child. He was picked on by a couple of classmates last year. Now he’s starting kindergarten and is in the same class as some of the kids who picked on him the previous year. We would like him to learn early to stand up for himself. What steps should we be taking both at home and school so that our son doesn’t fall victim to bullies?
Thanks for your help
Joan
Dear Joan,
Bullying is a common experience for many children and adolescents. When your child is the victim of bullying it’s best to make sure the lines of communication are open, no matter how old the children are.
Parents and teachers are sometimes reluctant to intervene in conflicts between young children. They don’t want to see children harm or ridicule one another, but they want to encourage children to learn how to work out problems for themselves.
Some suggestions from NAEYC (National Association for the Education of Young Children) on how to teach children assertive skills:
- Demonstrate assertive behavior (e.g., saying “No” to another child’s unacceptable demands) and contrast aggressive or submissive responses through demonstrations. Let children role-play with puppets or dolls.
- Teach children to seek help when confronted by the abuse of power (physical abuse, sexual abuse, or other) by children or adults.
- Remind children to ignore routine teasing by turning their heads or walking away. Not all provocative behavior must be acknowledged.
- Teach children to ask for things directly and respond directly to each other. Friendly suggestions are taken more readily than bossy demands. Teach children to ask nicely, and to respond appropriately to polite requests.
- Show children how to tell bullies to stop hurtful acts and to stand up for themselves when they are being treated unfairly.
- Encourage children not to give up objects or territory to bullies (e.g., say, “I’m using this toy now”). Preventing bullies from getting what they want will discourage aggressive behavior.
- Show children the rewards of personal achievement through standing up for themselves, rather than depending on the approval of others solely.
The key to promoting positive interactions among young children is teaching them to assert themselves effectively. Children who express their feelings and needs while respecting those of others will be neither victims nor aggressors. I hope these suggestions are a good starting point for you and your husband.
Best,
Sue Adair,
Director of Education, Goddard Systems Inc.
If you have a question for “Ask the Expert” send an email to AskGoddardSchool@goddardsystems.com.
