When children whine and argue it is tempting to say, “Stop!,”  “Quit whining!,” or “Calm down!” However, the next time your child has a meltdown, try repeating, “I will be happy to listen when your voice is calm like mine,” or, “I will be happy to help when your voice is calm like mine,” in a non-emotional voice.  Parents report that if they are calm and consistent, it doesn’t take long for their children to learn that the adult is not going to get hooked into the argument.  And, the child learns to calm down quickly!

After facilitating a Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!™ introduction session, I received an email from a mother that attended and tried this technique.  Shawn wrote, “I have already started using some of the tools and they are not only working to give some power back to the kids, to problem solve and make better choices, but more important for us all is that I FEEL CALMER!  Thank you for this taste of sanity.  Ahhh…”

If you could use a “taste of sanity,” please join us for this five week course that focuses on children from birth through age six.  We explore easy-to-use skills to help parents raise respectful, responsible kids and lower our parenting stress.

This program holds a 30-year track record of success and is designed to help parents in FIVE key areas:
•    Preserve and enhance the child’s self-concept.
•    Teach children how to own and solve the problems they create.
•    Share the control and decision-making.
•    Offer empathy, then consequences.
•    Build the adult-child relationship.
As a stay-at-home mom, I have the opportunity to put these principals into practice everyday.  My husband and I have found that the Love and Logic techniques allow us to spend less time handling behavior, giving us more time to enjoy our children.

And as a facilitator of this course, I have the opportunity to see parents come back to class each week more relaxed and more confident.  My own experiences as well as their success stories inspire me to spread the word about Love and Logic.

The Goddard School of Cedar Park, located at 1905 El Salido Parkway, is hosting the Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!™ course on Tuesday evening, October 19th from 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm.  Childcare is available.  To register, visit www.highfiveparenting.com or contact Laura at 512.784.5231 or highfiveparenting@gmail.com.

Don’t miss this opportunity to make parenting less stressful!

Laura Baker
Independent Facilitator
Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!™

Brain research tells us that, of the 100 billion (!) nerve cells we are born with, the ones we are most likely to keep longest are the ones that are used regularly in our interaction with the world around us. This does NOT mean that we can increase our child’s intellectual or developmental competence through so-called ‘brain stimulation’ videos or surround-sound cribs.  Infants and toddlers enjoy learning first and best the things they learn in their relationships with the people that care for them.

Some things to keep in mind for the development of theirs:

• Children can distinguish the voice of their father from their mother at birth – and their handling styles at six weeks.
• The most useful kind of stimulation is the kind babies can manage, learn from, and interact with. Vocalizations like the coos and giggles they initiate should be returned in kind – matching volume, pitch, and rhythm if you can. Be alert because they’ll often throw in a variation. The same is true for older children who sing and initiate games like peek-a-boo or patty cake.  Tapes or videos are no match for the joy and value of ‘live.’
• Want to encourage a positive self-image?  For babies, tender and frequent touch makes them feel treasured, and for toddlers and preschoolers, install a (safe) full-length mirror on the back of a door and provide dress-up or ‘pretend’ clothes and just watch them feel special.
• Keep your eyes and ears open for emerging motor skills, interests, words, emotions, and feelings. When such competencies are new, they are both adorable and vulnerable.  Remember not to overwhelm children by requesting a ‘show’ of their new tricks. This can be over-stimulating and cause quite the opposite effect – anxiety about new abilities instead of confidence.  Let children practice and enjoy their new skill.

HOW you are as a parent with your children matters far more than any particular thing you may ever DO with them.  Development is not a race; it is a process that unfolds uniquely in each child. Rushing development erodes children’s belief in, and joy of, their own emerging abilities, replacing joy with frustration and discouragement – too high a price in my book.

If you’re interested in ongoing events at our school, please sign up for our monthly events newsletter in the column to your left under “School Information.”

Stay-cations may not only provide a more frugal family vacation, they may also provide an opportunity to create and experience a higher level of bonding with your children.

Upsides to stay-cations include nominal packing as well as minimal airplane or car ride entertainment.   Stay-cations, however, provide the challenge of getting into vacation mode when the remnants of your day-to-day life are all around – planning ahead is the key.

Fun, frugal stay-cations include:

• Go on nature walks, hikes and bike rides.  Collect rocks to paint.
• Organize day trips to zoos and/or museums.  Create a family scrapbook to commemorate your experiences.
• Choose a miniature golf outing and enjoy a little healthy competition.
• Plan a family mini-spa day.  Prepare a healthy lunch from your vegetable garden.
• Go camping in your own backyard.  Don’t forget flashlight tag and S’moresPlan and prepare yummy goodies and enjoy a picnic together in a local park.
• Rainy day stay-cations are fun too!

o Play board games
o Assemble jigsaw puzzles
o Watch family movies

Find out what we’re doing that’s educational and fun each month with the Goddard School monthly events newsletter SUBSCRIBE HERE

Find ways to involve your children in the richness of your ‘grown-up’ life.  Be creative and patient because the results are worth your effort!

For young children, play is a lot more than entertainment. It is central to their development.  A wonderful way to play with and teach children is to bring them into your world, where ‘real-life’ happens.  Children love to do ‘grown-up’ things and to imitate you.  And when they contribute, they see themselves as players and get a well-earned self-esteem boost!

Children also learn about important values and concepts from watching you.  They see the result of practice and perseverance, and they come to know that learning is a lifelong process. They see that everyone, even a grown-up, can make mistakes and can learn from them.

There are two easy and enjoyable ways for your children to play in the grown-up world: you can let them help with your chores and you can include them in your favorite pastimes.

Work as play:  Include your children in your household routine.  There are countless safe ways for children to help with meals, laundry, shopping or cleaning.  They can help mix recipe ingredients, pick fruit at the grocery store, water the garden or pack their lunch.  These activities are fun learning experiences, especially if you are teaching informally along the way.  The chores may take a little longer as they learn the ropes, make mistakes, and work at a snail’s pace, but the value for their learning and their self-regard are more than worth the extra time.

Hobbies and pastimes:  Share your interests with your children.  This is one of the most intriguing, emotionally rich forms of learning that children can receive.  Teach your children about your avocations, and keep up with your piano, chess, painting, hiking or gardening.   Your enthusiasm for your hobbies will be infectious and offer many ways for your children to learn and develop skills.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., is an advisor for The Goddard School®.  Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years.  He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.

Visit our website @ http://www.goddardschool.com//Schools/Cedar-Park-TX/Schools.gspx.  You  can find out what we’re doing that’s educational and fun each month with the Goddard School monthly events SUBSCRIBE HERE

Why does a nearly universal event in a child’s development evoke such strong feelings? Odds are – as children we were either a biter or a victim – and often both. Plus, biting hurts and frightens us a lot. And though we know aggression is a normal part of development, regular cruelty is not, and we fear the connection between the two.

Some thoughts to help us manage:

• When children first bite, it is often their mother while breast-feeding, and their motive is most probably curiosity – not aggression. Mothers should send the following message to their infant: “Ouch, no and if you bite, you lose the breast – end of discussion.”
• Biting often begins as exploration, but may be quickly associated with out-of-control feelings or feelings of being overwhelmed – with excitement, fear or curiosity. Parents should manage these feelings by staying as calm as possible and firmly saying:

o “No one likes biting, especially me.”
o “You just cannot bite.”
o “I’ll help you stop until you stop yourself.”

• Parents often fear biting at school most. Peers, especially close ones, are fascinated by each other’s aggression, and the dramatic reactions it evokes. Adult overreaction just makes things more exciting! Experienced teachers have radar for when ‘the chompies’ are in the air and become particularly vigilant.
• If all adults involved in a biting incident are convinced that it was not an isolated but willful, premeditated event, both children should be kept safe.  Adults should explore the language of what went on and be able to offer alternative responses.

Finally, it bears stating – parents should never bite children back. Believe me, I understand the impulse, but all you accomplish is establishing mutual violence as an acceptable value in your family, embarrassing yourself, and degrading the natural authority you have with your children.  They want your help with this stuff, not your indulgence.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. is an advisor for The Goddard School®.  Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years.  He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.

Visit our website @ http://www.goddardschool.com//Schools/Cedar-Park-TX/Schools.gspx & find out what we’re doing that’s educational and fun each month with the Goddard School monthly events SUBSCRIBE HERE

Nothing unsettles the lives of children quite like the birth of a sibling: special event for parents = profound disruption of familial bliss for children.  Some children take it in stride, but the majority may not. Having a sibling forces children to share the wealth in an important and healthy adaptation to living in the real world.  Here are a few ideas about how to ease the pain, and promote the joy:

• ‘Me, myself and I’ – The mantra of toddler-hood reminds us that 18 to 24 months finds most kids falling short of being able to participate in the care of a younger sibling. They have just begun to take care of their own business, so looking after someone else’s (with whom you have to share mom and dad) is annoying to say the least.
• By 48 months:  Children are able to feel some ownership of a new baby – rocking, diapering, comforting, and playing with a baby are possible, if not always high on their list of fun things to do.  They own enough familial territory by now that they can afford to share.
• A younger sibling often adores an older sibling.  Teach your older one (don’t ignore the boys) to be tender and gentle when holding or feeding the baby.  This is great training for future intimacy and competent parenting.
• Preserve time alone with your older children several times a week. They may no longer be the ‘only,’ but they are the still the ‘first,’ and certain privileges pertain, along with new responsibilities!

Don’t underestimate how your own experience as a sibling -in a particular birth order – affects your perception of your children’s experience. You may be off by a mile in your evaluation of your child’s jealousy of a new baby if you are the baby in your own family, or the first-born.

Keep the dialogue open with your children about the shape of their sibling relationships and you will learn a lot.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. is an advisor for The Goddard School®.  Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years.  He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.

by Kyle D. Pruett, M.D.
Mothers and fathers care for their children in very unique ways.  Children can recognize the differences between mother and father care, which actually enhances their development.  This article focuses on the critical role fathers play in a child’s development.

Newborns can differentiate between mom’s voice and touch and dad’s voice and touch.  Although mom may have gotten a head start on the bonding process with the baby, dads have their chance, too.  By six weeks old an infant can distinguish a father’s voice from a mother’s, and while a quiet baby may pay more attention to mom’s voice, an upset baby will calm more readily to his father’s handling.  Mothers usually are very consistent in the way that they handle their children, often picking them up in the same manner, saying the same thing before they handle them, for example, at bath or bedtime.  Dads rarely approach the baby with such consistency.  Each time they pick up the baby, they usually do so in a different manner than before, but this helps the baby recognize that it is dad who is holding him.

Time with dad is typically less structured and more play-oriented than with mom.  Most of mother’s time with her children is dedicated to care-giving tasks or educational play, while dad’s time is less structured and full of impromptu play.  Where mom uses toys, dad tends to use his body.  Dads are typically more physical with the kids and they love it.  Physical play helps to stimulate both physical and brain development.  Dads also have a tendency to make any situation educational, even if they don’t realize it themselves, so that a father’s tasks around the house might be an adventure for the child.

Fathers challenge their children to learn.  Obviously, both mom and dad want to help their child learn in any way they can, but they do this differently also.  For example, when teaching a frustrated child, a mother tends to assist her in finding the answer; whereas, a father is more likely to guide the child through the frustration and challenge her longer to find the answer on her own.  Fathers also encourage more exploration and boundary pushing than moms do.  A father’s way of teaching his child persistence in the face of adversity results in positive academic and social performance in the long run.  Certainly, one style is not better than the other, and children absolutely benefit from both.

THE ROLE OF FATHERS
Recent research about the role of fathers and their approach to parenting include the following:

• Fathers tend stylistically to encourage problem-solving skills by letting their kids struggle with frustration a little longer before stepping in to help.  (Of course, there is a huge personal variation here, as there is in mothers.)
• Fathers permit a little more emotional autonomy during learning sequences with their young children, supporting and encouraging but without the same emphasis on intimacy that is more typical among mothers.
• Fathers tend to mix play with learning a little more successfully, from the child’s point of view, allowing longer work periods.
• Fathers’ more functional (‘do it because it needs to be done,’ rather than ‘do it because it will go better between us if you do’) approach to academic work builds in the child a larger range of problem-solving skills over time that probably contributes to more lasting self-esteem.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., is an advisor for The Goddard School®.  Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years.  He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.

Visit our website @ http://www.goddardschool.com//Schools/Cedar-Park-TX/Schools.gspx &  follow us on Twitter @  http://twitter.com/GoddardSchoolCP

Sometime as parents, we tend to panic and draw a blank, when our child does something unexpected. Especially, if it is something that hurts another person. Keep these things in mind if your toddler displays biting behavior:

A few side tips:
-Don’t ever laugh if your child playfully bites. This will reinforce their behavior.
-Don’t bite them back. This will also reinforce their behavior or cause confusion for them.
-When you play with your toddler, eliminate the use of playful and fake biting. This is another thing that reinforces their biting behavior and causes confusion.
-Pack plenty of snacks when your toddler is out and about. Sometimes they might be trying to satisfy an urge of hunger.

If your toddlers biting behavior is occurring while you are not present, you may want to talk to your childcare provider about taking some ideas and implementing some of these tips.

Visit our website @ http://www.goddardschool.com//Schools/Cedar-Park-TX/Schools.gspx & follow us on Twitter @ http://twitter.com/GoddardSchoolCP

• Polls tell us that one-third of American children and their parents sleep together some or most of the time before children start school. Co-sleeping varies hugely by culture and ethnicity. So think about what you want to do, and discuss the pros and cons with your pediatrician.
• Make sure your crib is safe (locking rails), that your older child’s ‘big bed’ has side rails, and if you are co-sleeping, that there is plenty of room.
• The human brain is active during sleep, but the deepest sleep is typically at the beginning of the night.  Babies spend more time than older children in stimulating REM sleep, with eye movements and irregular breathing. Don’t worry about all that action in your child’s body – it too is growth.
• Start them young – do not ignore the importance of naps, watch for the yawn, and start bedtime early in the evening.
• The transition from crib to bed is also a time of sleep pattern changes, but most kids want it to work.
• To instill good sleep habits remember that consistency matters so much:

o Bath Time
o Goodnights
o Tuck and Talk Bedtime Story
o Lullabye (yours are best)
o Goodnights

This all sounds well and good, but it is a rare family that hasn’t had to handle some sleep trouble along the way.  If your family is trying to re-establish a lapsed routine, stay calm and reassuring.  We almost all need more sleep than we get, and it is a tremendous gift to our children to teach them how to sleep well.

Suggested Resource: American Academy of Pediatrics http://www.aap.org
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Kyle D. Pruett, M.D. is an advisor for The Goddard School®.  Dr. Pruett is an authority on child development who has been practicing child and family psychiatry for over twenty-five years.  He is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University’s Child Study Center.

Subscribe to our newsletter or visit our website at http://www.goddardschool.com//Schools/Cedar-Park-TX/Schools.gspx

Children who attend preschool are better served when their parents pack their lunches. Why?  Because the process of choosing, packing and providing healthy meal choices is in the hands of parents; not a caterer or packaged meal plan provider. This is especially important if your child is a picky eater.

The Strategy:

• Let your child be a part of a healthy food conversation.  Discuss the week’s menus and the specific ingredients.  Read cookbooks and magazines – or just look at the interesting pictures.

• Engage your child while at the food store and give them choices. For example, “Let’s pick a fruit to pack in your lunches.  Would you like to bring strawberries or apples?”
• Add a little sous chef to your dinner preparations. Ask your children to bring two lemons to you or put them in charge of stirring cold items. This may delay dinner, but consider the reward – quality time!
• It is normal for toddlers and young children to be picky eaters. They may refuse food based on its texture or color – do not fret, keep trying!

Parent Tips:

• Offer new foods on multiple occasions. Many children need to try a new food up to a dozen times before they like it.
• Set a good example and try new foods yourself.
• Encourage healthy food portions. Never insist that children “clean their plates.” Rewarding a clean plate may lead to a distorted idea of food, such as ignoring feeling full or eating for a reward.
• Make healthy snacks available. Make fruits or veggies convenient to your child.

• Encourage your children to serve and feed themselves. Independence boosts self-esteem which leads to better food choices.
  Make ‘dining out’ a special occasion – even if it’s at the local burger joint. Children can practice manners and food choices in any dining experience.
  Reward children with praise, hugs and kisses. Resist rewarding children’s good behavior with sugary treats.

Visit our website @ http://www.goddardschool.com//Schools/Cedar-Park-TX/Schools.gspx & follow us on Twitter @ http://twitter.com/GoddardSchoolCP